My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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