Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Michael Bay diarrhea
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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