I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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