...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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