just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
