I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
