It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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