I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
