I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
