Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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