So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
