took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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