You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she peed on how many people?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
