i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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