a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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