I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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