Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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