Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
