I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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