Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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