So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
