he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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