I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
