Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
