I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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