Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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