I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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