well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
