Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
