Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
