that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
