Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
