If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't deserve a penis
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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