so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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