planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
