Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
