As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
