Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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