I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize