We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
