it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
