Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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