Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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