That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
