Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
