This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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