Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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