Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
