Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
