People with herpes should wear stickers.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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