she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
