I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
