We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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