I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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