oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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