I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
