if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
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I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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