Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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