A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
