absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
