I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize