I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
