I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
operation harelip BJ is a go
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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