How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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