be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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