Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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