you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
