I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
