You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
